2020.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love quotes. I will troll Pinterest for hours just to find the perfect quote to describe my current mood. I came across a simple, yet blunt quote that said:

 

“I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.

I’m ready to grow and get better.”

 

There’s a decent amount to be said about such a straightforward quote. “I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.” I put emphasis on those three words because each one of them takes a lot of strength to declare your readiness to move forward. I spent the last year trying to find myself. I tried finding myself in men. I tried finding myself in my job(s). I tried finding myself in my friends. I was searching so hard to find this unattainable version of me that I think I ended up losing who I was completely. I truly believe I wasn’t fully ready to move forward from things that just weren’t good for me. I kept dwelling on the past or on instances or relationships that hurt me in order to find my worth. I would tell myself, “Oh, I’m ready to grow and to learn and to believe in myself” when in reality I kept going back to what was comfortable or what I knew…none of which was healthy for me. Now, that’s not to say I didn’t grow as a woman because I most certainly did, but I didn’t truly put the past behind me.

 

“I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.

I’m ready to grow and get better.”

 

I repeat this quote as a reminder that I am taking to steps to really enter this new phase of my life. Call it New Years bliss if you’d like, but something has felt different this beginning of the new year in such a beautiful way. There’s been a good amount of change in my life. I was recently promoted at my job. I’ve made the commitment to stick around Pittsburgh for a little longer. For what I believe to be the first time in an incredibly long time, I feel content. I finally feel (for the most part) financially stable. I can go out with friends for happy hours without feeling guilty about spending money. I believe God is truly working with my potential right now. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11. I finally feel hopeful.

 

These first two months of 2020 have been incredibly challenging (in the best way) and refreshing. I know with every fiber of my being albeit physically, mentally and emotionally that I am truly ready to become the best that I can be. I’ve said that before, but the difference this time being that I believe in myself. I don’t think I had much belief in myself in the past. Something truly feels beautifully different this time. I WANT to grow. I WANT to believe that I have the potential to move mountains. I WANT to believe in my worth. I feel a new kind of happiness that I’ve never really felt before. I’ve always been an encouraging cheerleader for my friends, but instead of secretly feeling slightly envious of their lives, I feel genuinely and incredibly happy for everything they have worked hard to achieve. When I hear of an accomplishment someone has made, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy for the direction their paths are headed. My new manager came up with a little term at work where we need to be “Positive Pollys”. Although saying it out loud sounds a little silly, it really does help my attitude and perspective on life. Will the upcoming year always be rainbows and butterflies? Probably not, but I have made the decision to change my perspective and focus on what is good and what makes me smile. Love and believe in yourself and the rest will follow.